Mainframe Blind Date
by Bluemuse
Summary: The newest reality show to hit the airwaves in Mainframe! Hosted by Mike the TV, this show puts an unsuspecting couple together for an evening of unpredictability and hijinks for your viewing pleasure.
1. Dot's Dilemma

Author's Note: I wrote these what seems like an eternity ago, and they have been sitting on the shelf ever since. I figured, however, that now is as good a time as any to dust them off and put them up here. They'll keep going as long as I can think more up. :) I thrive on comments, so feedback is greatly appreciated. Read the newest reality show to hit the airwaves in Mainframe and enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything even close to the rights to ReBoot, though it's fun to pretend.  
  
ReBoot Blind Date #1: Dot's Dilemma  
  
(Int. The Diner. A crewman behind the camera silently cues Mike the TV, host of Mainframe Blind Date.)  
  
Mike: Gooood evening all you sprites and binomes out there, and welcome to the very first episode of Mainframe Blind Date!  
  
(Several customers stare blankly at Mike.)  
  
Mike: This is the show where you, the viewer, get to watch gratuitously as two complete strangers squirm uncomfortably for an entire evening and try not to make total, complete fools of themselves! Sounds like fun, doesn't it!  
  
(Brash game show music plays. Camera pans to a booth in the diner.)  
  
Mike: Leeeeet's meet our first participant- Dot Matrix!  
  
Dot (looking up from a spreadsheet, surprised): Mike! I already told you, I'm not gonna be on your show!  
  
Mike: Please, oh puh-leeze, Dot? (motioning to the camera) Do it for the loyal viewers- and for me! I need the ratings!  
  
Dot (hesitantly): I really can't...I have a lot of work to catch up on...  
  
Mike: Perfect! Let's meet the lucky date our expert matchmakers have paired you with!  
  
Dot: But-  
  
Mike: And now, straight from G-prime, this cycle only, heeeere's Cyrus!  
  
(Cyrus enters to loud game show music, a bouquet in his hand and a wormy grin on his face.)  
  
Cyrus: Why hello, Dot.  
  
Dot: Cyrus?! That twerp? But he's-  
  
Mike: Have a great time, you two, and don't mind the cameras in your face all evening! They'll just be recording your every move, you know, for all of Mainframe to see! Let's hear it for our daters!  
  
(Music and applause track continues over Dot's protestations as Mike's crew members push them out the door of the Diner. The door shuts on them quickly.)  
  
Cyrus (grinning): So, Ms. Matrix, what's your sign?  
  
Dot: *Sigh*...  
  
(Later in the evening. At a table in a candlelit restaurant, Cyrus is telling a story between large mouthfuls of food. Dot's face is buried in her hands.)  
  
Cyrus: ...so then after I stole the penguin's money, I ran to the nearest sewer drain and hid. Those birds can really move fast, let me tell you. I used to be quite the con artist, if I do say so myself, heh heh.  
  
Dot (muttering): Get me outta here, get me outta here...  
  
Cyrus: Did you say something, Ms.Matrix?  
  
Dot (looking up): Oh- no, sorry. Er, so....um....what else did you do?  
  
Cyrus: Oh, a bit of everything really. I was a used car salesman for a while.  
  
Dot: Somehow that's not much of a surprise.  
  
Cyrus: Why, I could sell any car to anyone- I even sold one with a broken interociter once. Those are hard to fix, heh heh...the boys on the car lot called me "Skunkhead Cyrus". Oh, the good times I've had. You know, I'm having a simply wonderful time now too.  
  
Dot: Gee, could that be because you're not out with a creepy, wormy binome who over-emphasizes every word he says in a horribly annoying way?  
  
Cyrus: Oh, what a sense of humour you have, dear Dot. Wouldn't that be an awful date!  
  
Dot: Right. *sigh*...  
  
Cyrus: And what do you do?  
  
Dot (taken aback): You- you're actually asking something about *me*?  
  
Cyrus: Certainly. You must have done some sort of interesting things, though it couldn't, of course, compare to my exciting-  
  
Dot (cutting him off): No, no- I'd love to talk about my work. There's a lot of organization involved, you see, because balancing Command.com duties and my various business enterprises is a surprisingly difficult task. Take yesterday, for example. I reviewed defense strategy reports for around the core, reviewed inventory for new CPU acquisitions, then had to organize some internal data files. Then I went over to the Diner and ordered bulk supplies from one of my providers...  
  
Cyrus (confused): umm....  
  
Dot (perking up): But before I could finish, new problems with the Mitchell account came up. I had to recalculate so many of the spreadsheets I had done! I was almost late for a meeting I had on Wall Street! But I sorted it all out, and even had time to re-format some old inputs I had lying around (taps her organizer lovingly).  
  
Cyrus: Well, as utterly fascinating as this all is....  
  
Dot: Oh, that was only the first half of the day-  
  
Cyrus: Yes, well, I'd better be going.  
  
Dot: Pardon?  
  
Cyrus: Yes, er, I have to do (looks at nonexistent watch) something. I think Megabyte's legs need polishing. I don't think this is going to work out...(hastily rising from the table) don't call me, I'll call you. (Leaves)  
  
Dot: Hey, that's my line. 


	2. Bob vs the Mary Sue

ReBoot Blind Date #2- Bob vs. the Mary Sue  
  
(Ext. The Diner. Mike the TV is standing in front of the camera staring at the ground. A crew member is frantically motioning to him that he's missed his cue.)  
  
Mike (looking up): Eh? Oh! Right- this is Mike the TV coming to you live from the heart of downtown Mainframe! Welcome to the second-ever episode of everybody's favourite not-so-reality show, Mainframe Blind Date! Today we'll get to peek in on every little minute of our couple's time out together in wonderfully excruciating detail! Sounds great, doesn't it? Now let's meet our fiiiirrrrst dater, Bob!  
  
(A flourish of game show music. Camera pans to Bob, who waves at the camera awkwardly.)  
  
Mike: Now Bob, tell our home viewers- what do you hope to get from this date?  
  
Bob: Nothing at all. The only reason I agreed to be on your show is because you said you'd leave me alone for the next 3 cycles. Remember?  
  
Mike: Of course, of course. But now, let's meet the fortunate lady who's paired up with our resident Guardian!  
  
(Music plays as a beautiful female sprite enters. She has green skin, aqua hair and a scowl on her face. She's wearing a version of AndrAIa's outfit in black, and 2 big guns in holsters. And she has wings.)  
  
Bob (mouth agape): AndrAIa??  
  
Mary: No, my name is ChrystalandrAIaraven-rogue-marysue-jewel-tempest. Mary, for short. I'm an amalgamation of all those impossibly perfect and aggressive fanfic versions of AndrAIa and Matrix's kids out there. I'm stunningly beautiful, I have too many deadly weapons to count, and I'm a trigger-happy renegade with attitude.  
  
Bob: Mary for short, eh? Guess that's why you're so contrary, heh heh...  
  
Mary (pointing a gun in his face): Can it, chrome boy. Now let's go.  
  
Bob (shrinking back): yes ma'm....  
  
(Cut to a bench on Baudway. Bob is staring at his ice cream cone. Mary has finished hers.)  
  
Mary: You're not eating your ice cream.  
  
Bob: Well, uh....  
  
Mary: You don't like chocolate?  
  
Bob: Oh, I do, it's just....you made these ice cream cones appear out of thin air.  
  
Mary: Of course I did. Didn't I mention that I have mysterious magical powers?  
  
Bob: I see. So, um, how do you find Mainframe so far?  
  
Mary: It's a nice little system. I could definitely see myself settling down here and immediately befriending everyone. Maybe I'll save the city along the way.  
  
Bob: I guess you could, even though I usually do that. Dot alerts me whenever a game's about to land. It's amazing how on top of everything she is-  
  
Mary: there you go about Dot again.  
  
Bob: Was I? Sorry. That reminds me of something Dot said the other day-  
  
Mary (scowling): You know, you keep talking about her- and I'll bet she doesn't have nearly the amount of attitude or firepower that I do!  
  
Bob: Well, no, but you two might be equal for temper...  
  
Mary: Clearly this Dot is a hindrance to us developing any sort of relationship, so she'll have to be disposed of somehow.  
  
Bob (surprised):What?  
  
Mary: There are several options, don't worry. We could have her go insane and I'd step in by default; you could save me from certain deletion and then decide you like me better...  
  
Bob: No, no, you've got the wrong idea! I'm never gonna leave Dot!  
  
Mary: Could I clone you then?  
  
Bob: No!  
  
Mary: Worth a shot.  
  
(They sit there, at an apparent impasse. They then spot a mysterious stranger walking towards them. He's dressed in black leather, a cape, and is carrying a large gun.)  
  
Stranger: Excuse me, but do you know where I can get some fresh bullets in a hurry? I must be getting back to Userworld soon.  
  
Bob: W-where? You mean you're a User?  
  
Stranger: That's right. Isn't it obvious?  
  
Mary: I think there's a gun shop back that way. Nice weapon you've got there.  
  
Stranger: Your guns aren't so bad either. Care to show me the shop and accompany me to some target practice after?  
  
Mary (smiling): It'd be my pleasure. You coming, Bob?  
  
Bob: No, it's okay. You two go ahead. I have to be getting back to the Diner anyway.  
  
( the stranger walks off with Mary on his arm. Bob sits back and sighs.)  
  
Bob: At least Mike won't be bothering me for a while. Wait 'til Dot hears about this... 


	3. A Very Special Edition

ReBoot Blind Date #3- A Very Special Edition  
  
(It's a beautiful cycle in Mainframe. In Floating Point park, Mike the TV is sitting in front of a red curtain facing an audience, with a solemn expression on his face.)  
  
Voiceover: Today, on a very special Blossom...I mean, Mainframe Blind Date...  
  
Mike: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, binomes and subroutines, to the episode of Mainframe Blind Date where we will go "inside the daters' studio", so to speak, for a special exclusive interview. My guests today are the only couple we've ever successfully matched up- Specky and Princess Bula! Now let's hear what enticing bits of gossip they have to tell us! Without further ado, heeeeere they are!  
  
(Applause. Princess Bula walks out from behind the red curtain carrying Specky in her arms. She sets him down in an empty chair and sits next to him.)  
  
Specky (a bit shy): Thanks for, uh, having us here- and for setting us up in the first place, Mike!  
  
Mike: It just brings a tear to your viewscreen, doesn't it? (To Specky) Now tell our viewers, what did you think of this um...lovely binome when you first saw her?  
  
Specky: Well, my luck with the ladies was never really great you know, so I came to Mainframe Blind Date-  
  
Mike (interrupting): You mean, of course, that hit show on the Kits channel, hosted by none other than Mike the TV? The one that follows a pair of strangers around like a relentless leech, then shows the worst moments of their date to the unsuspecting public?  
  
Specky: Yeah, that one. Anyway, I was hoping to find that special someone. When I saw Bula, my core-com skipped a beat. She was a vision in a loincloth and coconut shells. I kinda moved closer to her, and when she patted my head, it was instant love.  
  
Mike: And Bula, what did you think when you first saw Specks?  
  
Bula: He cute.  
  
Mike (tearing up): That's beautiful! *sniff* I need a tissue! Let's cut to a commercial break!  
  
(The crew looks at each other uncomfortably. A zero binome whispers something to Mike.)  
  
Mike: Whaddaya mean we have no sponsors?! What will become of the show with no commercials? Is this the end of a broadcasting career for everybody's favourite appliance?  
  
Audience: MIKE!  
  
Mike (blinking): Ahem. And how did your date go?  
  
Specky: We went to a spot near the data sea that has a great view, and I had packed a picnic, but uh, she brought her own food...  
  
Bula: Web slugs good. Make you strong.  
  
Specky: Then she brought me to the pirate ship to show me her collection of web creature skulls...  
  
Bula: No worry. They all killed with mercy.  
  
Specky: Then I read her a poem I wrote about her.  
  
Mike: A...poem? (looks at the camera, grimaces)  
  
Specky: Let's see, it went something like-  
  
Bula, you're the binome I seek,  
  
you're perfect for this binary geek.  
  
I'll do whatever I can-o,  
  
to see you every nano!  
  
(Silence. An audience member coughs. Bula smiles and waves at the camera.)  
  
Mike: How touching! Let's watch a clip from your date! Roll it!  
  
(The red curtain opens. On a large screen, Specky and Princess Bula are shown sitting next to each other on a bench in Floating Point park. Bula leans over and tickles Specky, who giggles and squirms. The screen fades out.)  
  
Mike: Now that's love, people! Tell us, what is in the future for you two youngsters?  
  
Specky (adjusting his glasses): Hmm...When I get a raise at the Principal office, we can settle down. We have lots of fun together, so I hope that continues.  
  
Mike: And what do you do for fun?  
  
Specky: Well, Bula likes throwing me up in the air a lot. I think she likes to work out her biceps that way.  
  
Bula: He light. Fun to toss.  
  
Specky: And she's teaching me how to break boards with my bare hands.  
  
Bula: He will break one one day.  
  
Mike: Okay! Well, we're almost out of time! I'd like to thank our very special guests for being here, and for not suing us when a crew member's...er...weak stomach gave out during their date!  
  
Specky: Oh, it was okay. It came out of my shirt in the wash.  
  
Bula: I not give him web slug juice again.  
  
Mike: And you, loyal viewer, join us next time for more of that fantabulous show that every sprite and their mother is talking about, Mainframe Blind Date! And now, stay tuned for "When Nulls Attack!" Goodowntime everybody!  
  
(Applause and theme music. As it fades, the crew begins tearing down the set. Mike leans over to Specky.)  
  
Mike (whispering rather loudly): Is she really a princess?  
  
Specky (quietly): No, but don't tell her any differently.  
  
Mike: Oh. Okay. Why?  
  
Specky: I tried once. How do you think my glasses got broken? 


End file.
